Sound impossible? It’s not.
Before I get to that, I want to express my deepest thanks and gratitude for the numerous comments on the blog and the emails you all have sent me regarding these videos. There’s no question that we face a difficult time in the world currently – economic uncertainty, political change, fear and anxiety over family finances, job stressors. And these changes impact all of us.
I’m proud of the courage you’ve shown to be willing to be a vehicle for positive change in this world. I want to remind you of your power and strength within you to not only survive but to serve others as a force for improving the world around you. A force for good, a force for lifting up others around you.
Ok, back to the more exciting stuff…
In my work, one of the biggest complaints I hear is ‘My girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse always seems annoyed.‘
I’ve helped hundreds of clients, spouses and executives manage their irritability, annoyance, and angry outbursts.
All it takes is learning tiny (sometimes effortless) shifts in your thinking, actions or physiology that can amount to huge long term results.
This 10-week anger management video series is VERY helpful because it shares all of these tiny, simple changes with you. These are tools I’ve spent the past 20 years testing, learning and separating out only the best ones for you.
KEY: You are already making these simple changes on a regular basis. All of us are. We simply lack awareness of them. Without awareness, we don’t know where those changes are taking us!
The BIG QUESTION is this: Are these little, tiny changes taking you down a path of fulfillment, success and happiness OR are they taking you down a path of frustration and disappointment?
My Journey from Struggle to Satisfaction
My own journey started with depression, anxiety, irritation, little satisfaction with life and no money. Not a great starting point for the game called life. In 1997, I was working as a school psychologist, listening to really heavy stories from students in a rough part of town in Fremont, CA. At the time, I had no understanding that emotions are contagious – you can catch feelings from other people. So I was trying to help these students, all the while I’m taking in their emotions every hour – rage, fear, anxiety, despair, anger.
Eventually, my back went out (which it usually did when I fell into an emotional ditch), and I’m lying on my office floor. The tunnel was quickly closing in on me. I felt no hope. I felt no pride. I felt no satisfaction with my job. I felt no happiness. All I saw was the light dimming at the end of the tunnel and I could see no options.
I recall lying there, on the floor, and thinking ‘This is f**king ridiculous. Here I am, a psychologist trained at U.C. Berkeley, one of the best universities in the world, and I cannot manage my own emotions. How can I ask other people to do so, when I can’t?!’
At that moment, 13 years ago, I made a conscious decision to seek out the best scientifically-proven tools to…
- a) Turn DOWN the volume on negative, destructive emotions such as anxiety, anger, and depression and
- b) Turn UP the volume on positive emotions such as passion, engagement, contentment, relaxation, interest, awe, love and pride.
And this is the single biggest secret to improving every aspect of your life…
It’s not sufficient to merely focus on reducing anger. As anger becomes less frequent, something has to enter into the equation to take its place. Otherwise, anger returns as an old habit.
What takes the place of anger? Positive emotions. Everything in the mind and in the brain works on homeostasis. A balance is required. We need a better balance in terms of negative emotions to positive emotions.
No one else is teaching this! Other anger management programs simply focus on turning down anger.
Since 1997, mastering the emotional mind has been my driving passion and purpose. It has made it fun and exciting to get up each morning.
One of the tiny shifts in thinking that will transform your life is simply to think of how much time you spend mired in negative emotions as compared to how much time you spend in positive emotions.
When I started this journey, I spent the vast majority of my time (upwards of 75%) irritated, annoyed, melancholy, anxious and emotionally unpredictable. I probably spent about 25% of my time feeling some degree of relaxation, distraction, contentment and engagement (passion and interest).
Now I spend almost 75% of my time in happiness, passion, excitement and enjoyment. I’m not sure I’m completely there yet, but man have I come a LOOONG way from where I started. I have successfully flipped my ratio of positive to negative emotions (from 1:3 to 3:1!).
And this simple shift in how I think of emotions (in terms of a balance between positive and negative) has produced massive results in my life. Here is some of the proof of my happiness and the success that followed on its heels…
I have four videos up on YouTube each teaching 1 little aspect of these powerful concepts. They each have over 12,000 hits and have only been up for 10 weeks.
Potential joint ventures are approaching me now.
I’m being asked to join speaker bureaus to do $10k speaking gigs.
A local university recently contacted me to ask if I’d be willing to teach a course in positive psychology to psychologists and therapists.
I’ve written an award-winning book.
My positive psychology blog, Shrunken Mind, has received three awards from three different organizations in the past year.
I was fortunate to do a daily prime time radio show for a year.
I speak to students in high schools about emotions. How weird is that? Even weirder – they LIKE it. I’ve been presenting monthly at a continuation high school for 3 years now. Tough crowd. At my last presentation, the principal gave the students a choice as whether or not they wanted to attend. 95% of the students chose to come and listen. Last week, the students wrote me thank you letters and said the following…“you are my favorite speaker ever”, “I have learned to accept myself”, “you have changed my life for the better”, and “you are full of incredible knowledge.”
If I can positively impact high school students at a continuation high school, I absolutely can teach you.
I have run this whole approach by friends of mine who are business people, psychologists, psychiatrists and MFTs. Not only are they intensely interested in my materials, they are fascinated by HOW I’m doing it on the web. This is coloring outside the lines. It’s a new model.
A new approach is long overdue.
Teaching Advanced Tools for the Mind (ATM) to clients via the web sidesteps the typical feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment that most people feel walking into a therapist’s office. My purpose here is to shine a light on an emotion that has been misunderstood forever – anger. Part of my passion for this program stems from my own journey with anger. So I come from a place of nonjudgment. I don’t judge other people for struggling with anger. I get it!
In fact, my belief is that you have multiple strengths that you are likely overlooking. These strengths can be tapped to help you overcome your challenges with anger. Part of this course will help you identify your strengths and use them in new ways. I also know that if you are here as a parent or a spouse, that you deeply love your family. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.
The first step is to make the conscious decision to learn new ways of dealing with anger.
NONE of this would have happened if I had not made the conscious decision to figure out my own anger and put proven tools into play to make tiny shifts in thinking. Over time, these tiny steps result in powerful changes. The changes make us happier and less angry.
Guess what? Success follows happiness. Not the other way around. As I’ve learned to be happier, people are seeking me out. It’s simple: Get happier and the opportunities follow.
Why? People LIKE to be around upbeat, positive, happy, optimistic people. So happy people tend to have more friends. More friends means more access to knowledge. Ultimately, it means that happier people are there when opportunities arise and are in a position to choose whether or not to grab the opportunity.
What do you get in this video series?
You get a video series that is over 12 hours of my best material and exercises that you can use to revolutionize your life in simple, manageable daily steps.
These videos provide detailed explanations of why and HOW you can begin to implement the necessary steps in your life to manage your negative emotions that are screwing up your chance at success and happiness.
The video series covers the main areas of anger management:
- Anger management – a powerful knowledge base regarding what anger is, along with ways to turn down the volume on anger
- Stress management – understanding what stress is and discovering new ways to relate to stress
- Emotional awareness – education to increase awareness of negative emotions in the moment (so they stop sneaking up on you) and how to decrease anxiety and depression
- Assertiveness training – how to be more appropriately assertive so anger doesn’t build over time
- Paths to happiness (positive psychology) – Tools to pursue the 3 scientifically proven paths to happiness
- a. Sensory pleasure and positive emotions
- b. Engagement with life, and
- c. Meaning and purpose in your life
What’s more, each video will include at least one exercise to turn up the volume on a positive emotion and one exercise to help you turn down the anger.
That’s two exercises every week – one to turn down the negative and one to turn up the positive.
You’ll also get powerful frameworks to help you make sense out of your most powerful asset – your mind.
We human beings do a lot of irrational things. Then we struggle to make sense of them. And we beat ourselves up over our mistakes. Most of this is fueled by the emotional part of your mind. My teachings help you make sense out of things that don’t make sense – emotional acts.
For instance, the comment ‘You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!‘ makes absolutely no sense. It’s a completely irrational statement. It’s an emotionally-charged comment. We say and do a lot of emotionally-fueled things on a daily basis. It’s time to increase your awareness and take control of your emotional mind.
Not only will this coaching seminar teach you to turn down anger, you’ll also learn to be more relaxed and content. What a concept!
And each and every exercise has been vetted by me personally and proven to be successful in peer-reviewed scientific journals. Until now, no one has brought them together into a useful, focused framework.
But don’t just take my word for it; here are some client testimonials…
‘I want to express my deep gratitude to you for creating such a powerful program. Stick a fork in me… I was done; done screaming at my children when they were simply doing stupid kid things. I was done overreacting to minor annoyances. My anger was waaaaay out of line with whatever was going on at home. Before signing up for your Advanced Tools for the Mind program, I remember my son was going sideways one morning while I was trying to dress him. I lost my temper, exploded in anger. I yelled at him for several minutes (who knows how long it really was) and I sent him to the time-out chair. I was scaring not just him, but my whole family. My anger was out of control and I did not even know it! My wife wanted me to stop. My kids wanted me to stop. I wanted to stop. Thankfully, your program is teaching me what’s going on inside my head. Your tools have helped me to turn down the volume on my anger. I have become more calm and yes, even happier. My wife thanks you. My kids thank you. And I thank you!’ – Ken W., father of four
‘Dr. John helped me to turn my B- brain into an A+ brain. I am far less irritable now and far more happy. Turning down anger: $395. Finding more happiness: Priceless.’ – Amy D.
‘I was stuck in a job I hated when I first started with Dr. John. I was a wimp who lacked the assertiveness to stand up for my own wants and needs. Now I’m in a position that I am passionate about! I love getting up in the morning. I love going to work. I haven’t been this happy since I was 6 years old. Thank you so much. My life has been transformed.’ – Beth C.
With your help, my wife and I accomplished our dreams. I still can’t believe we did all this. Now that we’ve left the Bay Area, I have more time for reflection, a time to rediscover myself. Life had gotten so busy for me, part of me had gotten lost. You know, that fun excitement for life part. In the hustle bustle of life, I forgot to make time to play. Life got too serious for me. I wasn’t enjoying my life. I got lost. Now, my wife and I are both genuinely happy. The other night we were walking and saw the most incredible moon scattered with light clouds over and around as it peeked over the hill. We just watched in awe. We thought it would be great to watch the moon in our chairs with some wine. I grabbed my wife’s hand and we ran back to the house. We were laughing all the way. It was really special. Funny the things you start to notice when you quiet your mind. Thanks for everything you have done.’ – Shawn C.
‘Thank you for sharing your gifts with such clarity and passion. You have helped start me on a new course in my life – one of passion and purpose! My irritability is a shadow of what it used to be. My wife is totally into me again. My performance at work has taken off like a rocket! Coworkers WANT to be around me and I’m getting pulled into all sorts of exciting, challenging projects. Thanks a million!’ – Mike B.
‘Thank you for all of your efforts towards educating men! Your work in shaping happy and healthy minds, bodies and, most importantly, hearts is critical for a new world. You have sparked the ongoing pursuit of a meaningful and happy life for me. ‘ – Dave T.
Among the best things I’ve learned through this program is a better understanding of what anger is and how to deal with it. I was always told that anger is ‘bad’, ‘you cannot be angry’ and so I just stuffed it down inside me. Unfortunately, as I’ve learned, that works for a period of time. I’d reach a boiling point, then my anger would erupt and I’d go all volcanic on my family. With Dr. John’s ATM program, I realized that anger is simply an emotion. It’s neither bad nor good by itself. It’s okay to feel angry. What makes all the difference in the world is what you do once anger takes hold. There’s a huge difference between feeling angry and how you behave when you are angry.’ – Jeff A., father of three